Saturday, 10 December 2016

Talk to each other

Many problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other

Firstly... stop and think about this....
How many people right now do you have a problem with in life?Ok, next, how many of those people have you talked to about it?
How many other people have you talked to about the problems you have with those people?

The tendency is to talk to everyone you know except the person you have a problem with. This can be said both in business and in personal relationships.
Open, honest communication done in a loving caring way is vital for problem solving in any type of relationship.
When we talk to everyone else, we tend to get many opinions that will often be bias. Also any advice given is without the ability to see the whole picture. This just clouds our judgement even more! Resentment builds up to a point where the the original, perhaps very small issue with the person in question has suddenly become a huge great big impossible mountain.

When we are talking about someone else, perhaps we are emotional at the time, seeking some reassurance that we have a right to be upset or angry about this person or this situation. Seeking justification for our anger and frustration only increases it. None of this actually solves the problem or helps in any way other than to fuel your own negativity. 
So what should do?

If you are feeling particularly emotional about a situation it is best to wait until those emotions have settled down. Things said in anger or tears often do not come across in the way we wish they did the next day. When we communicate in anger or sadness we are just expressing our emotion about how the situation has affected us not and not discussing the problem at hand.

Best to wait for a cool head and then go directly to person, not via any one else. Just pick up the phone or if its closer go and ask for a chat. Express your concerns in a calm way and also listen to other person. Often things can be a big misunderstanding.

Also, rather than saying things like "you did this...you did that" try and not point the finger too much, better to say "this situation made me feel like this..."

This helps prevent the person from getting defensive and they feel more able to listen and try to understand your feelings. An automated response for many when the finger is pointed at them is to defend, even if guilty. We have our survival genes to thank for that one! This is often how arguments get out of hand. So keep it calm and talk about yourself and the situation trying to stay away from blaming and you will find many situation and problems can be resolved this way.

If everyone actually did this on a large scale imagine how many problems would prevented n the world.

So if you have a problem with someone right now. Take a breath and pick up the phone and sort it out. Silence and multiple sharing with others will only inflate the problem.

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